hangin' in there

The D&C went okay. I heard over and over how amazing my doctor is from all of the nurses. That makes you feel good and I completely agree. I appreciated him so much during this horrible experience. He really seems to care and take our case to heart. This has to be an unbearable part of the job. Anyway, he was really great, and having nurses say so really put us at ease (after all, nurses don't tend to lie about things like that...I think they would just say nothing rather than rave about him...)

The worst part of the day was trying to get the needles in. One girl got my IV in (which she put in a weird spot and it was uncomfortable for the entire day, but she got it in), then later she tried to get another vial of blood. She tried 2 different veins and couldn't get it. THE most painful experience I have ever had with a needle!! She kept jabbing it in and wiggling it around...makes me want to puke. So she sent another lady in who had no luck. That lady sent yet another lady and when she still couldn't get it, they pulled out the big guns. The 4th lady finally got it on the first try from the side of my wrist. I thought we were going to have to go all Amy Winehouse on everyone and stick the needle between my toes.

If it weren't for that, the entire day would have been pretty painless, except for the pain in the heart. I held it together here and there for the most part. I lost it every once in a while over little things. Overall, we both got to say goodbye to our baby and tell it that we love it so much, so in the end, I was just ready to get it overwith. J could not have been more supportive. I don't know what I would do without his support.

Recovery has been pretty good. I took some ibuprofin twice yesterday, but bleeding was really light and pain was very mild, mostly not even noticable. Today has been good, too, but I did start bleeding a bit heavier this evening. But again, nothing unbearable. And certainly not as bad as I would have guessed.

I think my emotions are actually much better than I expected. I feel somewhat at peace. I am still heartbroken, but am starting to see a light at the end of this horrible tunnel. I know that we now have an angel that will forever be with us. Dr. J said that we will be able to find out what the baby was, so we have names picked out and will name the baby and plan to plant a tree somewhere in a local park so that the baby will live forever. It should be about a month when we find out the results from the genetic testing. I hope it goes by fast.