I'm back, hopefully.

Well, it has been about a month and a half. Have you missed this face?:

A lot has happened in that time, so let's go with bullets!

• Last cycle was a failure. It was harder than ever. Especially for J. We both had our hopes UP. Really up. As we all know, that makes the fall even harder. To top it all of, I got yet another BFN while traveling and away from J. It's so much harder to take when I'm sitting in a hotel room. You'll recall that I got AF while in the airport on the way home from a business trip in Arizona, while in Vegas (though that wasn't for work and I was with J, but it still sucked), while on a business trip in Chicago, and most recently while on a business trip in Boston. This time it was much worse because J couldn't hold back the tears so we were so many miles away and crying over the phone. It sucked. This was 33 days ago and I could still cry at the drop of a dime.


• I fired my RE. Last cycle, there were issues with scheduling appointments, I hated the fact that I never got to see my RE (not even passing him in the hallway!) once, and only saw my nurse one time. The rest of the visits were with nurses from other practices. They could never find my paperwork and I didn't feel like I was getting the quality of treatment that $3500 OOP called for. Not to mention that I never heard from them about why I didn't show up for my beta, or scheduling a WTF appt., or talking about next steps. NOTHING. So, I pulled a Donald and fired their asses!


• Which means that we have an appt. with a new RE in June. It also means that our next step is IVF. So THAT means that we will be saving up for the next year to do said IVF. Luckily, the new doc has a shared risk plan, which makes me very happy. And he is ranked #1 for IVF in the state. But the bad news is that I really need to lose about 20 pounds before that appointment. I can totally do it, but I have to get to work. Still trying to run and do JM's 30-day shr.ed, but I have been so down in the dumps that I have had zero motivation.


• The good news is that we are planning a cruise in August, along with a possible trip to Ireland late in the year and another possible trip to Wyoming which will be tacked on to a work trip. We're also planning lots of little weekend getaways over the summer, so I'm pumped for that. It probably seems silly to be doing that stuff while trying to save 15K, but I really just feel like we still need to enjoy life. We have enough in savings to do a round of IVF but we won't be taking any $$ out of savings. We're going to save the entire amount from now until hopefully next January and we hope to do the IVF in January or February so that we can welcome our TWINS home in time for Christmas. (Yeah, that's wishful thinking, huh?!)


• I have been completely out of the loop. I haven't even wanted to read blogs. I check in and I'm happy to see the many BFPs that have come about. It's just really hard. I didn't participate in ICLW for February, March or April. (Well, I signed up one month but didn't leave a single comment. Sorry.) Maybe I will next month. We'll see.

Lastly, funny story. I was feeling really unloved by blogland. I hadn't received ANY comments, even during the last ICLW and I was really kind of sad about it. Then I realized that I *had* been receiving comments, but somehow I had turned on the thing where I need to approve all comments (weird). So...I feel much better. Sorry I have not been a good blogging friend. I have saved all of the comments and will try to get back to you all this weekend. I appreciate the support even if it is a month later! Also, I am thinking about changing my blog. I hate my blog name and may be doing that soon...I'll let you know.