the long trip alone

I'm in a funk.

Have been since AF arrived. I think it's because I was sitting in an airport and had no way to just let my frustration out. At home, I can get pissed, cry a little, even scream if I want. But I couldn't do that in a crowded airport. I love to people-watch which typically makes my many hours of sitting in airports bearable. I love to think about where people are going and I can always tell the types (like myself) who are there for work as opposed to the ones who are there for fun. And I can always tell if they'r coming or going. There's a very different look in one's eye when they're on their way to somewhere fun as opposed to on their way home from a vacation. Anyway, I love the people-watching, but getting AF in the middle of the airport with such incredibly high hopes that she wasn't going to come just wasn't fair. To watch all the cute kids (and the dorky ones, too) playing and eating and reading books with their parents, and then to have to sit on the plane while a 6-month old cried...it was just heartbreaking. What I wouldn't give...

So that started my funk, and it's just gotten worse. Even my sister noticed and I think I'm typically good (though it's pretty much a bad thing) about putting on a happy face and making light of things. But we had lunch and it's hard to hear about friends having babies and this week it was even hard to hear about my nephews (all of whom I absolutely adore). I just don't want to hear any of it. Poor sister, she wants so much to make this better but she just can't. And then there's J. He's just been sweet, he'll give me a little pat on the shoulder and he's let me sleep in for the past 2 days. Plus I got ice cream tonight, so that was good. But I just feel bad that I'm down in the dumps. If I could only figure out how to pull myself out. I need to stop "wallering," as we like to say.

I think tomorrow I'm going to head to church because I need the fellowship and I need the reminder that there is something else at work. Church always has a way of speaking straight to me, so I'm really hoping for that in a don't-make-me-cry-kind of way tomorrow. Then it's going to be off to the gym and to Target. So that should be a great new start to the week.

And for the record, I got 4 days of cardio/workouts in last week! Granted, one of those was spent shoveling the driveway for 45 minutes, but it was a lot of work and it had iced a little, so I had to go over everything twice. So though it probably wasn't as many calories as if I'd gone to the gym (which, I would have done had the weather and roads not been so bad coming home), it was still better than sitting on my hiney.

Next week's goal: NO Reese's eggs. Not. Even. One.