sad

I'm sad today. First of all, it's gloomy and rainy and storming, so that never helps things. But mostly, I'm down in the dumps and wollering in self pity for another reason. You see, I work at a large University and the Day on Campus is happening where all of the incoming freshman come with their parents and get their e-mail accounts set up, take tours of campus, see the buildings that they'll have classes in, etc. It's so cute to see all of these wide-eyed kids, fresh out of high school, usually with either a map opened and a look of being lost or standing next to their parents who are holding a map while the kid snarls at how totally annoying their parents are being. It's just cute.

So why am I sad? I guess pretty much, I'm sad because I never had that. My parents weren't involved. They didn't take part in things like that. The most they really did was offer up their W-2's so that I could fill out my financial aid forms by myself (or with a little help from my grandma). So seeing all of these students with their parents all proud and excited is a little bit of a sting, but then I get to thinking about these parents and how they are probably just so nervous and excited and...well, just proud! I heard one mom say that they were all done for the day, but she wanted to just drive by the health clinic so that her son knows where it is...just in case! And what stings more than the fact that I didn't get to be "that" student with the involved and supportive parents is that I am nervous that I will never have the opportunity to be "that" parent. It's what I want more than anything and lately I can't help myself from thinking like this. Will I ever get a day on campus with my kids? Will I ever get to worry about what color to paint the now-bare and empty nursery? Will I ever get to plan kid-friendly vacations? To plan birthday parties? I'm just not sure and today, maybe because of the rain or the reminder of what I didn't have as a kid, I am sad.