christmas woes

Another year has passed. I'm getting kind of used to this. Surprisingly enough, I handled the holidays this year pretty well. In fact, I didn't shed a single tear. I am still sad but hopeful that 2009 will be our year.

I made out like a bandit this year! Lots of comfy pjs for my cabin getaway in January, a gift certificate to my salon (I'll be using it for a massage), Jillian Michaels Wii game, lots of books and board games, some gift baskets, a hutch for my dining room....lots and lots of great stuff. I love presents..giving them and getting them! I made Christmas eve dinner and we celebrated with my sister and her family and also my mom. Then on Christmas morning, we woke up late, J made a delicious breakfast casserole, we opened gifts, took a nap and then headed to my in-laws around 1. Then we went to my family gift exchange and headed back to the in-law's to pick up the pups and we hopped in the hot tub for a bit...such a relaxing ending to the evening!! There's nothing better than sitting in the hot tub in the freezing cold weather on Christmas!

However, I do have my issues. My woes this year aren't about fertility. They're actually about family. First, I have very little in common with my family. I love my grandparents and obviously my sister, but as far as aunts and uncles go (and my dad for that matter...though that's never an issue because he's in FL), I could take 'em or leave 'em. I do have a few great aunts and cousins, but the problem is that we (as in my sister, J and I) are very different than them. We tend to come off looking stuck up or snobby, as does the one other cousin who has bothered to get out of that God forsaken town and get an education to try to do something with his life. The fact that we don't see life as beginning and ending in that little town, working in a factory and living paycheck-to-paycheck means that they think we're materialistic/snobby/bitchy/etc.. (Excuse me, but I take pride in my education, my great job and my ability to pay my bills and save money. I don't flaunt it but I won't apologize for it, either.) Every year, we say that we aren't going to go to the holiday get together, but then somehow we end up still going. We never want to but we don't want to disappoint my grandma.

Then there's my mom. She's one of 'those' fertiles who probably should have never had children. One that I would today say didn't deserve them, and a big reason that I chose the blog name that I did. She never grew up. She did her best (sometimes) and had a very rough life; I get that. But she has yet to take some responsibility for her mistakes or for her own life. Case in point: she lives with my sister. She makes 7.25 an hour and gets laid off over the winter for about a month, give or take. She has never had a steady home, income, boyfriend...life. So we try to help her when she needs it. We both (as in my sister and I) live priveliged lives. We have tried to realize that this is just her and that we aren't going to change her, so we may as well try to help her. But it's really hard to help someone when they don't want to help themselves.

To save time and space, I will just say that my sister has been put into a very awkward situation in which she has to put her children above my mom. As any parent (you would hope) would do, my sister has to do what is right for her family and her home and that means that my mom has to go. Things aren't good and it puts everyone in a hard position. I don't know what to do and I feel horrible that my sister has to do this alone. She thought it would be best because my mom would otherwise feel ganged up on. So I sit and worry about my sister and the position that she's put into. And I worry about my mom and her bad decisions, uncaring friends, etc.

This just sucks. There's no way around it. I appreciate you reading if you've followed along this entire time and if you've got an extra one to spare, I would really appreciate a few prayers for my mom--for clarity, for the ability to see that we care very much about her and want good things for her and strength to make it through. Thanks very much.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and that you are looking forward to the new year! May it bring great things for us all!!