- BIL & SIL were in from Boston. They are pg. They (as in, she) never wanted kids and actually really seems to hate them. So naturally, they got pg pretty much immediately. So they were in.
- We had IUI #2 on Saturday.
- We also had a baby shower for BIL & SIL. I broke down. Not proud but it happened.
- I'm soooo glad to be home. I love my MIL and FIL but it was a long hard weekend and there is little better than your own big bed.
The long of it:
So they got in. I wasn't excited to see them. I don't have too hard of a time being happy and excited for the million and a half friends that I have who are pregnant. Yes, it hurts a bit at first, but when I know that someone genuinely is happy and wants children, whether they have trouble with IF or not, I am happy for them. But it just isn't the same with these guys. She had forever talked about how she couldn't stand kids and rumor had it they were even having marital troubles because he wanted a baby and she did not. Whatever. So I wasn't excited to see her baby bump and hear her weird food requirements (the girl still wouldn't eat tomatoes because of the outbreak a few months back and she reads EVERY package...even the standard skim milk. And she wouldn't eat syrup on her pancakes or eggs or scamorza.). And I didn't want to hear her complain about her growing bump and not offer to help with anything because she's in a fragile condition.
So, to make my point, I wasn't excited to see them! Or, her, rather. So to add fuel to fire, my IUI was scheduled for during their visit. Whenever they come, we stay at the in-law's because it's easier and fun and we all eat lots of good pampering and gifts and food from MIL. But this time was different. We had our IUI scheduled for the DAY OF the baby shower. So we had to get up super early, drive an hour, do our thing, and arrive back late to celebrate the baby that she doesn't even seem excited about. (She calls it a kid, not a baby. In fact, it is often referred to as "the kid," as in, "We are getting daycare in the town where BIL lives because if THE KID is sick, he will be able to pick him up." That seems so detatched to me. No?) So I asked J not to tell his brother or SIL and asked MIL to please not make a big deal of us on that day. I just wanted to make that day about BIL & SIL and I wanted NO attention on us.
We got back and I think I was doing really well. Lots of bump rubs and talk about how everyone was just so excited for them and blah, blah, blah. Then came the gifts, which I also think I did well with. As we sat down, one of J's aunts asked when it was our turn. We all know how that question goes. But at the end of the gift part, while everyone was sitting around in a semicircle watching them open gifts, J's grandma says aloud how she wants me to keep my chin up and not get discouraged and it took her 5 years to have FIL and on and on and on. I laughed her off because she got off on a tangent about something having to do with buying J some overalls...we all got kind of lost. So I was able to laugh her off. But then another aunt came up (she knows about what's going on with us) and whispered in my ear how she thinks about us and prays for us and we are very special and she loves us and it WILL happen for us and then I sort of lost it. Luckily, I was by the stairs, so I ran up to my room and J followed right behind me and just held me for about 15 minutes until I settled down.
It was just too much. I got overwhelmed and I was trying so hard all day not to think about how we may NEVER have the opportunity to enjoy a baby shower. Plus, add to that the fact that we had just done our IUI that morning and I just couldn't keep it in.
The rest of the weekend was okay and I relaxed a lot, but it was hard. So I'm glad to be home. Oh, so glad to be home!
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