got the blues

This has been a kind of rough 2 days. Long weekends are great, but I realized today that I had a lot of extra time on my hands to think about things, and that can be bad. DH and I had a great date day on Saturday...to Indy shopping, out to eat and to a Pacers game. That was fun. (Plus, the Kings won, which is DH's favorite team!) We had a great time, great conversation all night and it was a reminder of how ready and deserving we are of this next step. (Isn't everything a reminder of that?)

Anyway, so yesterday, we were both just a little down in the dumps. No real reason, we just were. And today, I have been depressed. Really depressed. Watching A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby all morning probably wasn't the best way to spend my day, but I did it nonetheless. Then I go to the dermatologist because I have a slight issue with breakouts around time for AF and I figured I should get things situated as well as I could before I start Clomid. He was kind of abrupt in a doctorish kind of way, but also shot in a few sweet comments about TTC and making sure that everything he prescribed was good for TTC and pg.

Then I head to the mall to try to find a few dresses for some events that I will have for work. As I'm browsing, my phone rings, it's my sister. And I find out that one of my good friends is pg with her 3rd. The didn't want any more. In fact, the DAY she started researching doctors for her DH's vasectomy was the day that she realized she was late and subsequently pg. I am really happy for them, but this news did not add to my feeling like crap. WHY?! Why? Wh? Why not us???

Needless to say, I ducked out of the mall pretty quickly so as not to look like a crying idiot. DH called and I cried a little more. I ran to the grocery store, fought to hold back tears the whole time, and cried some more when I finally made it to the car. I got home and had to get ready for the gym. That should have been a stress reliever, but it definitely wasn't. I was short with my trainer and just had zero energy. He knew that something was wrong and I just had to keep it short and say that I was having a down day. Thankfully, he's aware of some of the IF stuff, so he just encouraged me to try to use my workout time as a stress reducer and to try to focus on that as opposed to letting my emotions get in the way. Good advice.

So I got home and J was just a sweetie. He is silly because he hates to see me down. And as much as he is supportive and loving, he just does not understand. But he made me coffee and let me pick out a movie. I kept saying that I needed CHOCOLATE, so I decided to pick the movie Chocolat, with Johnny Depp, and get my fix that way. ;) He fell asleep. But the movie was good and I feel a tad better. But I'm looking forward to going to work and having some things to take up my mind. I have a very busy week.

Wow. That was a long post. It feels good to get it all out.

This is definitely a low for me, maybe even the lowest in the entire 16 months. I hope it doesn't last long.